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Han-Mi's Plot
] "Han-Mi's Plot" is the second track of Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret. Performers Lauren Osborn as "Miss Helen" Psyche Chimere as "Han-Mi" Lyrics HELEN: Tales to be told come this week to unfold On our blind and brooding stage The good and the bad and the sane and the mad In their endless blood ballet The wild, deranged comes to rattle its cage We must keep it quiet and tamed A dance and a song let the mind start to calm With a touch of peril to grip and hold you On the edge as events unfold so Tears sometimes start when one bears you their heart Alone upon the stage Sometimes the lie tells more truth than you might Have seen in light of day Our villain, Han-Mi, needs a scheme for this week That could bring this town to fall Here she comes now to confide to us all Of her newest plan of avarice thereof Finally this week break the sheriff Whats the scheme this week that Han-Mi's plotting? There's a train at 1pm and it's this that she’ll be robbing The money for the orphanage is what the train has got and You know she's gonna take it all toda... HAN-MI: (spoken) No, no, no. I'm not doing that. That is stupid. HELEN: Yes she is 'cause she knows it’s this week’s plot and... HAN-MI: This week’s plot is dumb, so a-no a she’s-a not-a HELEN: It’s what the writer wrote HAN-MI: But the writer is a moron I came up with a better plot myself HELEN: (spoken) Seriously? HAN-MI: (spoken) Come on, just try it. I swear, it’s like a million times better. HELEN: (spoken) All right. HELEN: So last week, our dear sheriff had been caught and He was tied up in Han-Mi's dark bedroom for a spot then HAN-MI: (spoken) Ooh, I wish... Right, so he escapes but his shirt is torn right off, so then... HELEN: (spoken) Why does he have to be running around without a shirt? HAN-MI: (spoken) Really, Helen? HELEN: (spoken) Oh my god, you little horn dog! HAN-MI: (spoken) Just trust me, it's totally integral to the plot. Uh, guys? guys? Can we maybe switch to something softly menacing in F sharp minor? Thank you! HAN-MI: If I made a plan today Something strange Something sinister, a worthy game I'd take the vaccines they made For the babies and I'd change them so that when the babies take them They, they would change to zombie babes And all who watched would gape and pray and while they're Poised on the edge of their seats so I'd watch him be the gorgeous hero If I made a plan today Something strange The best plot of this cabaret Then I would take those zombie babes And with arcane techniques then I would make then fly And crave to eat your face And on that day the sky would rain With hungry little zombie babes Who'd scream and chase and eat your face And folks will swipe the air with bats and clubs To chase away the screeching flying bleeding Face-eating undead babes Feeding on your heads as people strike them with their bats and crying why Screaming little bodies swooping from the sky And everyone would scream and cry and while The chaos reins unleashed about so I’d watch him be the perfect hero HELEN: (spoken) Jesus Christ, Han, what the hell was that? HAN-MI: (spoken) I know, it's awesome, right? Oh my God, I'm so proud of it. I totally thought it up myself and it's like, the best evil plan ever. That'll keep 'em glued to the seats... HELEN: (spoken) Okay, okay, just... ladies and gentlemen, Han-Mi and her evil plot. All right folks, next up, the sheriff!